Monday, January 24, 2011


I find you so attractive. You don't even know it. You don't even know! You have no idea, despite the fact that you keep noticing me staring at you but then I, expertly look away real fast as if I had only just been momentarily distracted from my very important, very meaningful, big girl work and now I have to look away real fast lest we make eye contact for far too long and I get too distracted from my very important, grown up work that I absolutely have to do right now.

"She must be be so overcome by her various passions," you think. "She does not have time to look at me! She is writing about whales and the ozone, and not at all thinking about me naked. She is writing poetry of feminism and philosophy, and it isn't poetry about the mortal sin she certainly does NOT want to commit in this room full of people. ANYTHING but how sexy she does not find my patchy facial hair, my inability to keep my fingers still when I read, my completely unappealing habit of biting my bottom lip."

"She is not fantasizing about reaching over this desk, seizing my face, and making out with it, not throwing these macbooks to the ground, crawling towards my chest, tracing shapes she creates there with her fingertips. She will not allow breasts and mouths and legs and necks to drift back into place, back home, back where they were intended. Damnit, she is not picturing us naked in the summertime, she thinks nothing of screwing me on the hood of her Oldsmobile, HATES the idea of sex in the rain, outside the pantry, spoken word, jazz, alternative country and maybe a little NPR soundtracking our hot lust. Jesus Christ."

"She does not want me as badly as I want her. Clearly, because she kept looking away when I noticed her staring at my utterly unattractive jawline. Clearly she was just thinking great, not at all perverse thoughts that have nothing to do with my body and all the ways she does not want to objectify it. Clearly, she has better things on her mind than how my voice sounds when it says her name. I better pretend I wasn't looking right back at her," you think. "I better look away real fast before she notices."

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